Wednesday - 1-7-09 - RETIRED TRUCKER - SOOOO FUNNY
Dear Mrs. Smith:
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Smith has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior
and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our
stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband
has caused.
All complaints against Mr. Smith have been compiled and are listed below.
Sincerely,
Complaint Department
MEMO Re: Mr. Smith - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Smith has done while his
spouse is shopping:
1. June 15, took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2, set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7, made a convoy with tomato juice
cans on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19, When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
5. August 4, went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay away.
6. September 14, moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15, Set up a tent in the camping department
with a sign that read "Truck Stop - Rest Area" and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring food and beer from the Deli.
8. September 23, While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
9. October 4, Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.
10. November 10, When a clerk asks if they can help him, he
says yes, and then takes them to Receiving and tells the clerk to start
unloading freight.
11. December 3, In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
12. December 6, Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Convoy" theme.
13. December 18, Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21, walked up to an employee
with a shopping cart full of items and asked her "where's the weigh
station?"
(And; last, but not least!).
15. December 23, Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a
while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
Monday - 1-5-09
- The Month After Christmas
Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Friday - 1-2-09 - Happy New Year! - OUR BEST WISHES TO YOU AND YOURS IN THE NEW
YEAR!
Promise
Yourself in 2009:
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you
meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism
come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best and expect
only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you
are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater
achievements of the future.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you
have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for
fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
The Optimist Clubs Of
America
Wednesday -
12-31-08 - I Just Switched To
Water!
We all know that water is important, but I've never seen it written down like
this before.
1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated
(likely applies to half the world's population).
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is
so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's
metabolism as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water shut down midnight hunger
pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington
study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime
fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10
glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to
80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger
fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on
the computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases
the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer
by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?
Monday -
12-29-08 - Live
Backwards
I want to live my next life backwards. You start out dead and get
that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling
better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go
collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold
watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your
retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally
promiscuous, and you get ready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a baby, and then... You spend your
last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like
conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters
every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
Friday -
12-26-08 - Inspirational
- This is quite an enjoyable story with lots to think about after
reading:
A drunken man in an Oldsmobile
they said had run the light.
That caused the six-car pileup
on 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
and blood was everywhere,
The sirens screamed out eulogies,
for death was in the air.
A mother, trapped inside her car,
was heard above the noise,
Her plaintive plea near split the air,
'Oh, God, please spare my boys!'
She fought to loose her pinned hands,
she struggled to get free,
But mangled metal held her fast
in grim captivity.
Her frightened eyes then focused
on where the back seat once had been,
But all she saw was broken glass and
two children's seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen,
she did not hear them cry,
And then she prayed they'd been thrown free,
'Oh, God, don't let them die!
Then firemen came and cut her loose,
but when they searched the back,
They found therein no little boys,
but the seat belts were intact.
They thought the woman had gone mad
and was traveling alone,
But when they turned to question her,
they discovered she was gone.
Policemen saw her running wild
and screaming above the noise
In beseeching supplication,
'Please help me find my boys!'
'They're four years old and wear blue shirts,
their jeans are blue to match.'
One cop spoke up, 'They're in my car,
and they don't have a scratch.'
'They said their daddy put them there,
and gave them each a cone,
'Then told them both to wait for Mom
to come and take them home.'
'I've searched the area high and low,
but I can't find their dad.'
'He must have fled the scene,
I guess, and that is very bad.'
The mother hugged the twins and said,
while wiping at a tear,
'He could not flee the scene, you see,
for he's been dead a year.'
The cop just looked confused and asked,
'Now, how can that be true?
'The boys said, 'Mommy, Daddy came
and left a kiss for you.'
'He told us not to worry
and that you would be all right,
'And then he put us in this car with
the pretty, flashing light.
'We wanted him to stay with us,
because we miss him so,
'But Mommy, he just hugged us tight
and said he had to go.'
'He said someday we'd understand
and told us not to fuss,
'And he said to tell you, Mommy,
'He's watching over us.'
The mother knew without a doubt
that what they spoke was true,
For she recalled their dad's last words,
' I will watch over you.'
The firemen's notes could not explain
the twisted, mangled car,
And how the three of them escaped
without a single scar.
But on the cop's report was scribed,
in print so very fine,
'An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.'
The 7 Second Prayer, Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves.
'Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless my
family, my home, my friends, and me. Amen. '
He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare.
This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, He saw me, and
He asked: 'My child, what is your greatest wish for today?' I responded:
'Lord please, take care of the person
Who is reading this message, their family and their special friends.
They deserve it and I love them very much.'
The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginning,
but not its end.
ANGELS EXIST but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call them
FRIENDS.
Wednesday - 12-24-08 - Santa's New Contract
Christmas will be here
tomorrow, but regrettably, Santa was forced to sign a new contract. Here is a
letter from Santa Claus addressing his amended duties. Please read the following carefully.
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the
current, overwhelming population of Earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan.
As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us:
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus's sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen . . . " when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On
Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you are also likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd
dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus's sleigh has a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off." The last I heard, the sleigh also had other decorations on back as well. One is a Ford logo with lights that race through the letters, and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me, like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming Town." This year, songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will include Mark Chestnut's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox," and "Grandma Got Run'd Over By a Reindeer."
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
Member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209
Monday - 12-22-08 - Inspirational
You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?
"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words " United States of America "
"No, not that; read further."
"One cent?" "No, keep reading."
"In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?"
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin."
Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it!
God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.
It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient...
Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!
Send this to every "beautiful person" you wish to bless.
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Friday -
12-19-08 -
Inspirational - What Goes Around Comes Around
One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but
even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled
up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still
sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to
help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look
safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He
knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in
you.
He said, 'I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where
it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.'
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad
enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack,
skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire.
But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began
to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just
passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined
all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan
never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was
helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given
him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never
occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she
saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance
they needed, and Bryan added, 'And think of me.'
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and
depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into
the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a
bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her
trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas
pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and
brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one
that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady
noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let
the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how
someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she
remembered Bryan .
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The
waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the
old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the
waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then
she noticed something written on the napkin.
There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: 'You don't
owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If
you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain
of love end with you.'
Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to
serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she
got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the
money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how
much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was
going to be hard....
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her,
she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, 'Everything's going
to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.'
There is an old saying 'What goes around comes around.'
~GOD BLESS!~
Wednesday - 12-17-08 - When
A Trucker Goes To Court
Lawyers should never ask a
trucker a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a
grandfatherly man to the stand. He approached him and asked,
'Mr. Jones, do you know me?' He responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
'Mr. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
He again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
"If either of you idiots asks him if he knows me, I'll send you both to the electric
chair."
Monday -
12-15-08 - YOU MUST KNOW *77
I knew about the red light on cars, but not the *77. It was about 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon, and Lauren was driving to visit a friend. An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on.. Lauren 's parents have always told her never to pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc.
Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called *77 on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she was and there weren't, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the way.
Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.
I never knew about the *77 Cell Phone Feature, but especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car.. Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going to a safe & quiet place. You obviously need to make some signals that you acknowledge them (i.e. put on your hazard lights) or call *77 like Lauren did.
Too bad the cell phone companies don't generally give you this little bit of wonderful information.
Speaking to a service representative at Bell Mobility confirmed that *77 was a direct link to state trooper info. So, now it's your turn to let your friends know about *77.
Send this to every woman (and person) you know; it may save a life.
This applies to ALL 50 states.
Friday -
12-12-08 - No Nursing Home for Me
About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a luxury liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting
alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises,
back-to-back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises". She replied, "Yes, that's true." I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home".
So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations on a Cruise and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast-in-bed every day of the week).
3. The ship has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every
night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?
The ship will be ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
PS: And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side -- at no charge
Wednesday - 12-10-08 - Subject: Police
Warning...New Way Criminals Carjack (Not A Joke)
Warning..!!!! Warning..!!!! Warning..!!!!
Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public
parking area. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home,
it was a receipt for gas. Luckily my friend told me not to
stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the car Then we received this email yesterday:
WARNING FROM POLICE
THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE--
NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)
Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating... You walk
across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into Reverse.
When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your
parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle
of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or
whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out
of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.
And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.
So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are
now compromised!
BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.
If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just
drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you read this e-mail.. I hope you will forward this to friends and
family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you
certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.
Please keep this going and tell all your friends
Monday - 12--9-08 - Neighborhood
Watch Safety Info
Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or a loved one's life.
Crucial - Because of recent abductions
in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation.
This is for you, and for you to share
with your wife, your children, everyone you know.
After reading these 9 crucial tips,
forward them to someone you care about.
It never hurts to be careful
in this crazy world we live in.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :
The elbow is the strongest point
on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. Learned this from a tourist guide.
If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,
DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.
Toss it away from you...
Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you,
and he will go for the wallet/purse.
RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole
and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will.
This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars
after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.
DON'T DO THIS!)
The predator will be watching you, and this
is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,
and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR ,
LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.
If someone is in the car
with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
Instead gun the engine
and speed into anything, wrecking the car.
Your Air Bag will save you.
If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it .
As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body
in a remote location.
5. A few notes about getting
into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you,
look into your car, at the passenger side floor , and in the back seat
B.) If you are parked next to a big van,
enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims
by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car
parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side... If a male is sitting alone
in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a
guard/policeman to walk you back out.
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator
instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone
and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!
7. If the predator has a gun
and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target)
4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.
RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying
to be sympathetic: STOP
It may get you raped, or killed.
Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played
on the sympathies of unsuspecting women.
He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often
asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted
his next victim.
9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last,
and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her
'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'
The lady then said that it sounded like the baby
had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over.
The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'
He told her that they think a serial killer
has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone
dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that
they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.
10. Water scam!
If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a
burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your
outside taps full ball so that you will go out to investigate and
then attack.
Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbors!
Please pass this on.
This message should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on
America 's Most Wanted when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.
Send this to any woman you know that may need
to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it
and it's better to be safe than sorry.
Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love one's life.
Unknown Author
Friday - 12-5-08 - The
Secret of a Long Marriage
THE SHOEBOX.
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about
everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, " my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
Wednesday - 12-3-08 - Death and
Taxes
The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets." (Will Rogers)
"The wages of sin are death, but after they take the taxes out, it's more like a tired feeling." (Paula
Poundstone)
"Of life's two certainties, at least you can get an extension for taxes." (Unknown)
Here's another certainty where death and taxes are concerned: My tax burden is killing me.
Our country's founders had harsh words on government funding:
"What at first was plunder assumed the softer name of revenue." (Thomas Paine)
"I cannot lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents." (James Madison)
"It would be a hard government that should tax its people one-tenth part of their income."
(Ben Franklin)
Monday - 12-1-08 - Aphorism: A
Short, Pointed Sentence Expressing a Wise of Clever
Observation or a General Truth; Adage
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else
looks?
9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right
number.
13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a
nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a
Yugo.
19. After 50, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!
20. Always be yourself. Because the people who matter, don't mind. And the ones who mind, don't matter.
Friday - 11-28-08 - The Power of "Attitude"
Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in
a good mood and always has something positive to say.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, he'd reply, "if I were any
better, I would be twins!"
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee
how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and
asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of
the time. How do you do it?
Michael replied, " Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two
choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or .... you can
choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.
Each time something bad happens, I choose to be a victim or... I can choose to
learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining I can choose to accept their
complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose
the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about
choices. when you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.
You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect
your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. the bottom
line: it's your choice how you live your life."
Wednesday - 11-26-08 and Thursday - 11-27-08 - Happy Thanksgiving Holiday!!!
PLEASE DON'T
DRINK AND DRIVE!
Monday - 11-24-08 -
Truckers Never Quit
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and the debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not QUIT.
Author unknown
Friday - 11-21-08 - The price of Gas versus Printer Ink
All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....
You will be really shocked by the last one!
Compared with Gasoline......
Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ......... $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source
(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?
So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............(you won't believe it....but it is true........)
$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto
Bismol, Nyquil or
Printer Ink!
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of our next trip to the
pump.
Wednesday -
11-19-08 - Boiling Water
Microwaving Water!
A 26-year old man decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the! water was not boiling, but suddenly the water in the cup "blew up" into his face. The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand, but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face which may leave scarring.
He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is a fairly common occurrence and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to diffuse the energy such as a wooden stir stick, tea bag, etc., (nothing metal).
It is however a much safer choice to boil the water in a tea kettle.
Manufacture's Response:
Thanks for contacting us, I will be happy to assist you. The e-mail that you received is correct. Micro waved water and other liquids do not always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up out of the cup when it is moved or when something like a spoon or tea bag is put into it.
To prevent this from happening and causing injury, do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup. After heating, let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds! before moving it or adding anything into it.
Here is what our local science teacher had to say on the matter: "Thanks for the microwave warning. I have seen this happen before. It is caused by a phenomenon known as super heating. It can occur anytime water is heated and will particularly occur if the vessel that the water is heated in is new, or when heating a small amount of water (less than half a cup).
What happens is that the water heats faster than the vapor bubbles can form. If the cup is very new then it is unlikely to have small surface scratches inside it that provide a place for the bubbles to form. As the bubbles cannot form and release some of the heat has built up, the liquid does not boil, and the liquid continues to heat up well past its boiling point.
What then usually happens is that the liquid is bumped or jarred, which is just enough of a shock to cause the bubbles to rapidly form and expel the hot liquid. The rapid formation of bubbles is also why a carbonated beverage spews when opened after having been shaken."
If you pass this on you could very well save someone from a lot of pain and suffering.
Monday -
11-17-08 - Truckers Never Quit
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and the debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not QUIT.
Author unknown
Friday -
11-14-08 - Keep your chin up and don't let
'em get you down!
Someone clipped out this story and saved in a desk drawer many, many years ago when
he was a kid - how true it always still is! Keep your chin up and don't let 'em get you down! :-)
A man lived by the side of the road and sold hot dogs. He was hard of hearing, so he had no radio. He had trouble with his eyes, so he had no newspaper. But he sold good hot dogs.
He put up a sign on the highway telling how good they were. He stood by the side of the road and yelled, 'Buy a hot dog, mister.' And people bought. He increased his meat and bun order, and he bought a bigger stove to take care of his trade. He got his son home from college to help him. But then something happened.
His son said, 'Father, haven't you been listening to the radio? There's a big depression on, the international situation is terrible, and the domestic situation is even worse.' Whereupon the father thought, 'Well, my son has been to college. He listens to the radio and he reads the papers, so he ought to know.'
So the father cut down on the bun order, took down his advertising signs, and no longer bothered to stand on the side of the highway to sell hot dogs.
His hot dog sales fell almost overnight. 'You were right, son,' said the father to the boy, 'We are certainly in the middle of a great depression!'
Wednesday -
11-12-08 - Giving Up Wine
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
Monday -
11-10-08 - Tomorrow is Veteran's Day
 |
Please, let's all take time -
think about the sacrifices and the ultimate price our Veterans
paid for the freedom we all enjoy today! Tribute
To Our Veterans - Click
|
Friday -
11-7-08 - Valerie
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed, good looking man in his late 40's or early 50's.
'May I help you?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,' said the madam.
'No. I must see Valerie,' was the man's reply.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly
left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no man had ever come back two nights in a row - too expensive - and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, 'South Dakota.'
'Really!' she said. 'I have family in South Dakota.'
'I know,' the man said. 'Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
Wednesday -
11-5-08 - Only Great Minds Can Read This
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheear
at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.
Monday -
11-3-08 - NEW FORM OF KIDNAPPING
Please take a minute to read this. This is very scary and could
happen to any of us.. Seems like every nice thing people do for one
another can be perverted. A new twist on kidnapping from a very smart
survivor:
About a month ago there was a woman standing by the mall entrance
passing out flyers to all the women going in. The woman had written
the flyer herself to tell about an experience she had, so that she
might warn other women. The previous day, this woman had finished
shopping, went out to her car and discovered that she had a flat.
She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat. A
nice man dressed in a business suit and carrying a briefcase walked
up to her and said, "I noticed you're changing a flat tire.
Would you like me to take care of it for you?" The woman was Grateful for his offer and accepted his help.
They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and then put
the flat tire and the jack in the trunk, shut it and dusted his
hands off.
The woman thanked him profusely, and as she was about to get in
her car, the man told her that he left his car around on the other
side of the mall, and asked if she would mind giving him a lift
to his car.
She was a little surprised and she asked him why his car was on
other side.
He explained that he had seen an old friend in the mall that he
hadn't seen for some time and they had a bite to eat, visited for a while, and he got turned around in the mall and left through the
wrong exit, and now he was running late. The woman hated to tell
him "no" because he had just rescued her from having to change her
flat tire all by herself, but she felt uneasy. (Trust that gut
feeling!)
Then she remembered seeing the man put his briefcase in her trunk
before shutting it and before he asked her for a ride to his car.
She told him that she'd be happy to drive him around to his car,
But she just remembered one last thing she needed to buy. (Smart
woman!!)
She said she would only be a few minutes; he could sit down in
her car and wait for her; she would be as quick as she could be.
She hurried into the mall, and told a security guard what had happened, the guard came out to her car with her, but the man had
left. They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and
took it down to the police station.
The police opened it (ostensibly to look for ID so they could return it to the man). What they found was rope, duct tape, and
knives. When the police checked her "flat" tire, there was nothing
wrong with it; the air had simply been let out. It was obvious
what the man's intention was, and obvious that he had carefully
thought it out in advance. The woman was blessed to have escaped
harm. (Amen...thank you, God!)
How much worse it would have been if she had children with her and
had them wait in the car while the man fixed the tire, or if she
had a baby strapped into a car seat? Or if she'd gone against her
judgment and given him a lift?
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save
a life.
Discuss it with any woman you know that may need to be reminded that
The world we live in has a lot of crazies in it. Better to be safe
than sorry.
PLEASE BE SAFE AND NOT SORRY
Friday -
10-31-08 - Wise Words to Consider
During this political season let's be reminded of these wise words...
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for
themselves.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
Wednesday -
10-29-08 - *545 PEOPLE
EVERY CITIZEN NEEDS TO READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS JOURNALIST HAS SCRIPTED IN THIS MESSAGE. READ IT AND THEN REALLY THINK ABOUT OUR CURRENT POLITICAL DEBACLE.
*545 PEOPLE - By Charlie Reese
- Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years.
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered why, *if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits,
WHY do we have deficits?*
Have you ever wondered why, *if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do
we have inflation and high taxes?*
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of
Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices
545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible
for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency
to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority.
They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking
thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power
to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to
determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not
their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No
normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President
for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress
to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.
Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pellocci.
She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can
approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they
agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand
convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single
domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the
plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow
that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ.
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people,
it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they
can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give
the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con
you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or
"politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.
Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.
We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of
the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.
What you do with this article now that you have read it is up to you, though you appear to have
several choices.
1. You can send this to everyone in your address book, and hope "they" do something about it.
2. You can agree to "vote against" everyone that is currently in office, knowing that the process
will take several years.
3. You can decide to "run for office" yourself and agree to do the job properly.
4. Lastly, you can sit back and do nothing, or re-elect the current
bunch.
Monday -
10-27-08 - Early Fishing
I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my
lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat
up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible!'
My loving wife of twenty years replied, 'Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?'
I still don't know if she was joking.
Friday -
10-24-08 - A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.'
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!
Wednesday -
10-22-08 - Estate Planning
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. A bit of a braggart, he approached her and began a conversation. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
Monday -
10-20-08 - The Wedding Night
Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon,
so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning,
Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and
Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...
I gave him my airplane glue.'
Friday - 10-17-08 - (Inspirational)
- Red Marbles
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.
I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
'Hello Barry, how are you today?'
'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'
'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'
'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'
'Good. Anything I can help you with?'
'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'
'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller.
'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'
'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'
'All I got's my prize marble here.'
'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller.
'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'
'I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked.
'Not zackley but almost..'
'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'. Mr. Miller told the boy.
'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that
Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died.
They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
